My cats are walking corn chips

The last paper that I wrote for my B.A. in economics was called: U.S. Agricultural Policy (what a great title - is there no end to my creativity?!?).  It was basically just a summary of the history of agricultural policy, an outline of the current issues, some recommendations and so on.

While researching for that paper, I got into reading about all kinds of shenanigans related to food production, and the issues there, and I saw in a few different places the statement that the book The Omnivore's Dilemma is probably the best book ever written on how food is produced in the U.S. (which includes issues of agricultural policy).  So I bought the book (for $7.99 including s/h on Amazon).

Then I proceeded to read the book.

It's one of the BEST books I have ever read in my life.  A non-fiction that is casual and personal enough that it felt like a fiction story - and then it was SUPER profound, covering so many issues and digging-in on various complex levels with regard to human nature, ethics, evolution, technical progress, and how food is generated by nature and so on.

If I could recommend only one book to the general public, it would be The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan.

So one of the main messages in that book is that corn is a problem.  Corn is the main staple of our diet in the U.S.  If you eat beef, you're actually eating corn; soda is made of corn; bread contains corn; in fact, (I don't have the book with me so I can't quote exactly) a double cheeseburger from McDonald's is, I think, 82% corn.  How is this possible?  Corn leaves a trace in the cell structures of anything nourished by it.  Well cows are fed corn these days, so beef is basically corn.  And pretty much anything sweet these days is made from high fructose corn syrup.  Ever hear of corn starch?  How about maltodextrin, xantham gum, "caramel color," "natural flavoring," or MSG?  ... All made from corn.  (For a complete list click HERE).

So what's wrong with corn?  Nothing, inherently - it's what we do with corn that is problematic.  First, it's made the U.S. agriculture nearly homogenous.  Farmers in the States will get rid of all other crops, because corn is so abundantly productive, and subsidized by the government, that it's the only one worth growing (to a large extent - this isn't meant as an all-encompassing statement).  Corn's so cheap and so fattening, we feed it to cows, and it makes them very very fat super fast (hooray for the almighty $$), and also very, very sick.  Cows are ruminants - they need to eat grass not grains (corn is a grass but the seed we eat is a grain).  So if we were feeding them the stalks from corn, it wouldn't be such a big deal.  The seeds from the corn make cows sick, though, on a lot of different levels.  (Want more info?  READ THE BOOK!)

"Who cares?" - you may ask, "only hippies worry about cows."  If their suffering doesn't motivate you, think about the fact that you're eating meat from a sick and stressed animal.  Both sickness and stress are producers of biological toxins, toxins that are stored in the (hello) flesh.  Why not just eat tumors?  They're probably nutritious in some right?  (In the book Pollan talks about how disgust is an evolved human emotion that protects us from eating things that might be harmful - so if the thought of eating a tumor disgusts you, that's nature's way of saying 'bad idea'.)

And, of course, it isn't good for our health to eat the exact same thing for every meal but chemically restructured over and over so it looks and tastes like we're eating a varied diet.  Human beings are omnivores, and we've evolved as a species to require a variety of nutritional elements from a variety of sources in order to stay healthy.

Ok - there's the back story.  Yes, I'm just getting to the point of this post.

I'm terrible about following through on my resolutions to eat more consciously.  Mostly because I have a job that currently takes over every aspect of my life (in large part because I work with my dad).  I rarely get more than 10 minutes to eat, I work at least 6 days a week, I don't have a kitchen in my apartment, and I usually realize I'm starving at about 2 am, when my easiest option for food is Del Taco.  I know, there are a lot of lame excuses there.

So, while I choose to procrastinate my own healthy eating habits, I stress about my cats.  I love my cats in a very unnatural way, as those closest to me can attest.  I looked at their food, and of course, the number 1 ingredient is .... corn.

Artie and Wiletta, respectively

Feeding people or cows corn is one thing - they're herbivores/omnivores.  Cats are carnivores.  Why the hell are we feeding them corn!?!?  And I get that domesticated house cats are different from the feral cats of the Amazon, but still.  Corn?  To cats?  That's just wrong.  (Plus they have to eat whatever I provide them.  I get to make my own choices about food - to a certain extent - but my cats just eat what I set out, so I have a responsibility to feed them accountably.)

I hopped into my car, drove to PetCo, and spent about an hour reading the ingredients of the different cat foods.  Lots of the "healthy conscious meat-packed premium brands" had "chicken meal" or "turkey meal" as the main meat ingredient.  What are those?  It's the fancy FDA word for chicken beaks and bones ground into a powder and mixed with a little meat to hold it all together.  Nice.

I decided cost was no issue, and I bought cat food that seemed most likely to be real, dried meat for my cats.  (THIS is what I bought).  Wow, I thought, I'm a good mom to my cats and taking care of them.

Then, I fed it to my cats.  And it took them until they were starving to finally eat any of it.  I also got them some canned food that I give'em once every few days as a special treat.  I previously gave them Meow Mix (because I love the little plastic containers - so easy to serve them to the kids), and I decided to try the "holistic" wet food instead, because Meow Mix has corn starch and cane sugar as top 5 ingredients.

My cats wouldn't even sniff the holistic wet food.  It would sit in their bowl for days until it became hard.

So they hate the healthy food, and they won't touch the healthy wet food - what does this mean?  For the record, they won't touch raw or cooked tuna, raw or cooked eggs - they won't touch any people food, with two exceptions:  they both love alcohol and they both love ranch dressing/sour cream.  (They say cats take after their owners, but seriously?  This is almost creepy...!).  When I say they love alcohol, I mean if I have a martini or a beer sitting on the coffee table, they'll jump up and lap it up (see pic below).

Wiletta (Willa) loves vodka and gin

What's the point of this story?  What's the point of this blog post?  MY CATS ARE JUNK FOOD KITTIES.  I have raised cats that love corn, and that only want corn (both vodka and beer can have corn in them).

If my cats were really children, like human children, they'd be the ones that only want chicken nuggets and mac'n'cheese for lunch. Ramen noodles only for dinner.  Demanding cheetos and pudding snacks....

<gasps in a panic>

I didn't even REALIZE what was happening, until they were already addicted.  I feel duped!  I thought I was a good mom to these adorable little furballs.  :(


Two things I've concluded from this: 

1)  Thank God I'm not a mother yet.
2)  I have no idea what I'm supposed to learn from this.

I mean, they're CATS for God's sake!  If I hadn't given them a home they'd be eating garbage and licking greasy dumpsters for nutrition.  So really, do I need to worry about feeding them corn?  But, there's the other argument that if people keep buying cat food with corn in it, the food companies will continue producing it, and so it's more about withdrawing my support of such a business practice, whether or not my cats prefer eating corn.

But this raises issues and questions all over the place.  Food producers make everything out of corn because we, the market, buy it.  Every time I purchase a soda, I'm voting "YES!" to corn with my dollar.  And you know what sucks?  If soda weren't available to me, I wouldn't even miss it.  It's true.  I didn't smoke at all for 5 weeks in Kenya because I decided not to.  They had cigarettes I could buy there, but I wasn't interested in their old stale tobacco, so I just stopped.  Didn't even miss it.  My driver would offer me smokes, and I'd take a few drags and be like, "Nah, no thanks."  But the minute I got back to the States I rushed right to the gas station and bought a pack of  good ol' Camel Silver Menthols and got right back in the habit.

And that's what it boils down to: habit.  Social pressure and habit.  We, the market, don't buy these things because we want them or like them.  We buy them because they're convenient and we're tired, overworked, stressed and unhealthy people, and we can't bear to consider the effort of consciously shopping for groceries. I smoke more when I'm with my friends, I drink more, I swear more - the social nature of humanity is a strong force against conscious behavior.

And then, there's the stupid question of what to feed my cats.  The holistic food costs at least twice as much - and am I really even sure it's better for them at all?  Or is it just tricky marketing/labeling that is making the product appear better?

This, my friends, this whole stressful issue IS the omnivore's dilemma...

"What should I eat?"